I must be f-ing crazy

I plan my route before hand, carefully calculating distance, potential hills, and trying to avoid busy roads where drivers can be reckless and fast. I lounge around on the couch, attempting to delay as much as possible the inevitable long run that I have now planned and am required to do according to my training plan. I hum and ha and procrastinate until I've realized its actually 3 in the afternoon and I still haven't left, and by the time I finish the 23km, its going to be getting late and close to supper. Reluctantly, I put on my running clothes and lace up my shoes, careful to pack my Camelback with Gu, lip balm and kleenex before filling it half full with water, and I head out the door.


I must be f-ing crazy.




I start running, following my route as planned. I'm only on kilometer 5. My lungs are burning, my feet are sore, my legs hurt and I'm pretty sure the tightness in my chest is comparable to a cardiac arrest.

I keep repeating to myself, over and over, I must be f-ing crazy.


I'm the one who decided to run, to train for a race, to do an "easy 23k" today.

I must be f-ing crazy.

But its these difficult times, when your hips are aching so bad it feels as if they're yelling at you to quit.

When your legs are so heavy, that even a 2lb Camelbak feels like it could cause you to collapse under its weight.

Even the wind feels as if it is pushing against you.

In fact, it's as if all of the odds are against you, and the only thing you want to do is sit on the side of the road and cry.

Mentally, you begin caving into the dark thoughts of the deepest parts of your brain.

You tell yourself how you can't do it and ask "why am I out here in the first place?"


I must be f-ing crazy. And I'm sure to repeat this to myself at least 100 more times during the run.

But this moment, this is what it all comes down to. This moment is when you have to rise above the pain and realize, I'm doing this.

I left the house to run, even when I could have done a million other, easier things.

I took that first step.

I'm here trying and I'm giving it my all.




The thing about long training runs is, theres no water stations, theres no one on the side of the road cheering you on, you're out there suffering on your own.


But these long training runs, these days that you dread, the days where the running and everything feels wrong and miserable, these are the days that make the races great. These are the days that help you achieve your PRs, these are the days of hard work that we do in private, so we can shine our light when it counts.


And when race day finally comes, you will look back upon these days, remembering the struggles, and feel the strength from enduring, and doing something that not everyone is capable of. Because the thing is, training is going to suck some days, but thats what sets you apart from everyone else.


Yes, I'm f-ing crazy, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Trails,

The Rural Runner