Anyways.. This morning I turned off my alarm and crawled back into bed (like usual), and while I was laying there, I was thinking.. (Mind you, this is a mere 7 hours after setting the alarm for a morning run in the first place, thinking it was a brilliant idea):
It's too early.
I'm too tired.
It's cold out. And this bed is so warm.
My hamstrings are too tight.
I'm too grumpy.
I have too much to do today.
Etc etc..
Literally every excuse possible was running through my mind as to why I shouldn't/couldn't run. But then I said to myself.. "Self, what the heck are you doing! Get out of bed and go running! Right now is the only time you have all day to fit it in and that's why we sets the alarm (I say in a golem type voice). So get your ass up and dressed, we're leaving!" Yes, that's literally how I talk to myself sometimes.
Anyways, I get out of bed and reluctantly got dressed, knowing it was for my own good and that I wasn't going to win an argument with myself. I set out on my typical route, which felt very weird considering I typically run in the afternoon. According to my training schedule, I was due 12.9km so obviously I wa going to run 13.
The run started out fairly well, I was maintaining a 6 minute kilometre (this is pretty good for me, don't hate). My goal for the run was to maintain my pace and do 13 km in under 1:30. Totally do-able.
When I left the house I had been wearing a long sleeved shirt and a wind breaker, plus long pants (stupidly assuming it was colder that it actually was). I ended up getting super hot a couple kilometres in and decided to ditch the long sleeve. Half way through stripping (while running mind you) I managed to get my shirt up over my head only to notice and older woman walking on the trail was looking at me like I was nuts (haters gonna hate). I chucked the shirt (okay just kidding I folded it neatly and tucked it in a hidden area with shelter.. Like I said OCD) and continued on my way.. Feeling much lighter and breezy. Continuing on the trail, I realized it was the exact route I had taken when I developed my stress fracture in August. This was encouraging since I was feeling great so far, and am fully healed from that very shitty injury. I went 0.5km further than I had that day, turned around and continued onto the second half of my run. Only 6.5 km to go at this point.
About 2km further, I started to feel VERY tired, literally exhausted. Normally I don't get this at only 8-9km into my runs.. And I had eaten oatmeal before I left (my go to preworkout!), so I was feeling discouraged. I cut back my pace and continued at a slower one that I could handle (around 7 minutes a km.. Basically felt like walking to me). Looking at my timing.. I was at 56 minutes with 5km to go. With this pace I knew I wouldn't make it in time to reach my goal. This made me pretty disappointed..
And then I realized.. There will be shitty days and there will be amazing ones, but the thing is, there will always be more days and more attempts and I will get 13km done in less than an hour and a half, one day. My PRs that I strive for, train for, and push myself harder for.. They will always keep changing. What's my fastest? I don't know, because I haven't run it yet. Without these crappy awful shitty runs, there wouldn't be the great ones where we accomplish our goals. We need to embrace the losses just as much as the wins. Today taught me that maybe it wasn't my day, and I didn't hit my goal time or even come close, but I have to get back out there and be stronger than I was this morning. I'm going to improve, learn from it and get faster. Without a struggle there would never be growth, and today I sure as hell struggled! Sucking ass just gave me more motivation for my future runs, and I will push myself and do my best at the race on Sunday because I know I'm capable of more.
Oh and yes, I picked up my neatly folded shirt on the run back.. Safe and sound :)
Long story short..
Embrace the struggle friends,
The Rural Runner
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